Postpartum: 18 weeks old!

Time traveling Mommy here... almost a year later, back to jot down somethings I hope will one day be insightful for you. I just laid you down in your Pack-n-Play and am listening to you stir. I think if I just commit to 10-15 minutes a day I can really boost my output here. It's amazing how quickly the days go. A few things to note, in simple form:

Your birthday was on a Saturday
You just turned four months old
You have the most beautiful blue eyes and a smile that makes your entire face glow
Favorite things: bath time, car keys, standing up
You were named after your daddy and your middle name is the feminine for John

We still keep you in our room, and it makes me sad that so many people advise me not to, or warn that keeping you so close to me will bite me in the future, when you're old enough to realize that I'm laying you down in your own room and not ours. There is something so wonderful about having you close to me, in my arms, near my heart - I have to be honest, I have at least one thought a day that centers around how absolutely vital you are to me... what I would do if I lost you, I can't even wrap my head around the gravity of that. I hold you and often think of that moment on July 6 when the doctor first showed me your face... and I thought, There she is... we made her, she is real.

Little one, maybe I will be able to give you something here that will be important to someday. This is spontaneous for me... I could possibly be more structured, and focused. Possibly.

Today we are supposed to visit a gym just for you. More to come!

17 weeks, 4 days

Sweet Pea,

You are a book with three authors. A page-turner I've waited my whole life to read.

Tomorrow, we get to peek at your biography. I am both calm and anxious, knowing your story was penned, in part, by God.

Reading into you, I turn a chapter in my own life.
I promise, no matter the outcome, to cherish each and every page.

Love,
Mommy

17 weeks, 3 days

Good morning Baby,

This is my first letter to you, and so long overdue. I told myself I had to muster up the courage to get my thoughts down before we see you again (this Tuesday) and learn whether we'll be referring to you as her or him.

What an act of bravery to be writing to a 17-week-old baby, I know! Well, you see, there are so many days that pass where I feel like I still need to keep you a secret, that the more I celebrate the idea of you, the more I'll have to lose should anything go wrong. To put it simply, you're just too good to be true... but you are real, and all mine until July! Until then, I am making a promise to check in with you here. Everything is yours... my notes, thoughts, observations, photos -- anything you might be curious about years and years from now.